Because my other half and I have had some fertility issues in the past, we aren’t telling most people (who we know, anyway) that I’m pregnant. I was pregnant once before, but that ended early in a miscarriage. ANYWAY. So we’ve been through all sorts of fertility treatments, and it’s been a few years.
We’re also Wiccan, and I don’t feel like explaining all of that right now, but ok, eventually. The name of this site is BastCoyote, because they’re two deities I’ve been working with a lot lately. Bast is an Egyptian fertility goddess, and Coyote is… well, he defies definition, but he’s generally considered a trickster. I don’t generally “believe” in external deities, like praying to a big God in the sky who’s going to fix things for us. For me, prayer is all about calming myself and rewiring my brain, and tapping into archetypes I want to emulate. So, Bast and Coyote… they’re iconoclasts. More on them soon.
My husband and I just finished another cycle of in-vitro fertilization (IVF), and my pregnancy test, for the first time ever, was positive. Still wrapping my head around that. So that was about a week ago. Basically, this all calculates to mean I’m currently 5 weeks and 3 days pregnant, with a due date of January 20th, 2013.
Right now, my symptoms are minimal. Just occasional mild cramps and chills, and that’s it.
The part that’s weird is that I can’t “enjoy” this pregnancy yet. With all of the struggles to get here, I became accustomed to just not being able to be pregnant, to always getting negative results. I was beginning to accept that it just wasn’t going to happen without some serious financial investment that we couldn’t afford, in order to do Donor Eggs. Because I’ve over 35, but with nothing else wrong with me, the fertility doctor said that our infertility problems were all due to my age. Ok, I hear you, but that’s a little bit lazy… especially since all of my tests came back normal. But nevermind. Anyway. The point is, I’m now pregnant, and somewhat terrified… because they always told us, over and over, that our chances of having a live baby were very low. So getting pregnant is just one step of many.
I’m going to be paranoid for MONTHS.
I’ve just gone shopping online for more fertility items. It keeps me from being too nervous. More incense materials and candles.