My immediate next door neighbor is due in October, and I’m due in January. But I’m keeping it a secret from her. I still resent her! I don’t know what my problem is… ok, yeah, I do.
This is her second pregnancy since we’ve been trying (3 years). It’s been so effortless for them, and it seems like it never occurred to her how fertility can be really freakin’ hard. (The husband actually complained about how quickly they got pregnant: “Gosh, she’s in her late thirties! We’re so cursed! We were hoping it would take a year! ha ha ha…”) The day she told me she was pregnant for the 2nd time was the day (actually moments before) my friends were gathering to have a fertility ritual for me at the riverside. I told her, “Oh, well. Wow. I just heard last week we have no more than a 10 percent chance of ever having a baby… so… wow. Congratulations, I guess.” She already knew we’d been going through IVF.
Anyway, flash forward a couple of months, and even though I’m now 10 1/2 weeks along, I can’t talk to my neighbor. I don’t want to hear her talk again about how hard pregnancy is. I actually find myself wishing her to have complications so that she doesn’t take it for granted! I’ve become mean and envious… And it MAKES NO SENSE. Before they had their first child, we were friends. We’d sit on our porches and chat.
I guess my last straw was when she divided our formerly-shared back patio in half with a line of plants down the middle. She said it was to keep their dog from sneaking over to our door and pooping in front of it, but… it didn’t stop their dog at all. I had to basically drag it out of her that she wanted to make the patio “safe’ for their 2 year old. (Subtext: You don’t have kids. Our toddler isn’t safe on your half of the patio.)
I swear, if I didn’t know better, I’d say people with kids hate infertile people. WTF. (But I can’t really blame them – I’ve hated “normal fertile people” right back.)
Maybe I’ll relax and become a “typical happy pregnant woman” after our chromosome tests come back good. But I have not yet celebrated and jumped around. I actually feel superstitious about it… if I celebrate this early, I’m inviting disaster.
But is/has anyone else gone through this weird resentment of fertile people even during your own pregnancy?? Am I just too used to the years of infertility and I’ve got PTSD? It’s weird.